Harrison's Blog!

Harrison decided he wants/needs his own blog! Guess he's sick of watching me type mine and him never getting a turn! The other night he asked me, "Mommy I want my own bwog (blog) to email to fwends (friends)!" Imagine a not yet 4 yr old child asking for his own blog! How could I say no to that?! So I got him his own blog! I just created a new one under my account, so it's got my profile and is signed by me, however he chose the very black template (too dark I think!), he chose the picture for his first entry (said, "awww, isn't that picture adorable!?" although it looks like a mug shot!) and as you can see from his entry, he did the typing too! Anything that is actual words was typed by me for him. He even named it himself! Pretty cute if you ask me....so what are you waiting for?! Go check it out!!! Oh yea....guess you are waiting for the link!!! Here it is....somewhere here! Not entirely sure where the link shows up, but I think it's here somewhere. I inserted it!!! And be sure to leave the lil guy a comment....he's very excited about his own blog! Wouldn't you be at 3?!

www.letterh4hurricane.blogspot.com (just in case!)

Single Strength

I am a single parent. I AM A SINGLE PARENT. No matter how many times I say it, no matter how loudly I yell it, or how quietly I whisper it to myself when I'm all alone with my thoughts, it always comes out the same....I am a single parent. It is not something one plans on, or for. It's one of those things in life that just kind of happens to you, and there you are, repeating the mantra over and over in your head, half trying to make sense of it and half trying to convince yourself that one day you'll wake up and it will no longer be true. I am a single parent.

It used to be a taboo, or perhaps it still is and I'm just too naive and/or oblivious to notice. At first I couldn't bring myself to admit it, not even to myself. I felt like a failure. I felt like the world would know that not only had I failed at making a relationship work, but worse yet I had failed at keeping my family together. How would Harrison feel when he got older? Would he blame me? Would he hate me? Then I began to realize these are questions I would have about many topics as he grows up and turns into a teenager, whether his dad and I stayed together or not. Here are some of the answers I came up with: he won't tell me how he really feels anyway/he'll blame me for everything no matter what/at times he will hate me!

It is hard to go out and watch other families enjoying activities together and to see all the dads in the pool at Sat morning swim class while all the moms watch from the deck and sip lattes/cappuchinos or whatever other fanciful java they hide in those travel mugs! It's uncomfortable when the other moms ask you about your husband right after they finish bragging about theirs, and you are forced to say those dreaded words out loud...I am a single parent. Saying it in your head never sounds as ominous as saying it out loud. There's no hiding it anymore. However, I find it interesting to watch their reaction, as they become more uncomfortable hearing those words, than I do saying them. They are usually surprised to find that out for some reason, and I am not sure why. Perhaps I don't fit their stereotype of what they think a single mom should look like....I am not 16 yrs old, I do not dress provocatively and I don't appear to be on welfare. This look of surprise is usually followed by an apology and then uncomfortable silence, until I tell them they need not to be sorry for me.

It has recently occured to me that in a line-up at the grocery store, you wouldn't be able to pick out the single parents from the married ones by just looking at us. It has also just occured to me that we don't wear signs around our necks stating our plight or parental status. However, we, the single parents feel it all the time. We know we are single parents, and we know we are different.

We have come to own that title, and we wear it like a badge of honour. We have been to war and fought battles no married parent will ever fight. We have scars on our hearts that will never fade. We have travelled down countless paths alone, with no one but tiny tots at our side, not knowing where that road would lead, but praying for safety and security when we get there. We have already faced our greatest fears and cried rivers of tears. We have overcome obstacles so high they make the Rocky Mountains look like mole hills. We have loved deeper and hurt harder. We have tiny little footsteps branded into our souls that will forever mark this journey. We have felt pain so deep the memories are raw. We have lived a lifetime of angst.

However, we have felt joy so overwhelming it brings tears to our eyes. We have been through the storm and seen the end of the rainbow. We have more pride in the little accomplishments, because we know that when you are doing this alone, there are no little accomplishments. They are all huge achievements worth celebrating, goals that were met with success, but not without struggle. Only we truely know what we have overcome, even to get to the point where we can admit it without shame.....I am a single parent. That alone takes tremendous courage, and all single parents have courage to spare. We have learned far more about ourselves in half a lifetime than most humans learn in a whole lifetime. And the most important lesson every single parent on the planet knows with 100% certainty? That we are by far stronger than we ever thought we were and would ever need to be. We have found strength in being single, and that is nothing to be ashamed of. I AM A SINGLE PARENT.

Rescue Hero!

All little boys love careers that involve adrenaline, vehicles with lights and sirens and the rush of a successful rescue! Harrison is no different! From the age of 2, he has told me he wants to be a "woo woo man"! Translation for those of you who don't already know~a policeman. Because the sound of the siren makes a "woo-woo-woo" sound as it whizzes by! What a funny little guy! He still insists on being a "woo woo man", however not exclusively anymore like he did the whole year that he was 2....he's keeping his options open I guess! He changes his mind depending on what we are doing or what he has experienced most recently, and whatever sounds interesting to a 3 yr old I suppose! However, on a special day a couple of weeks ago, he got a taste of life at the firehall! And he loved it, as you can see from the pictures!

One of the school bus drivers that drives for the same school as I do, also happens to be a firefighter for a nearby local community east of Calgary. Harrison has been begging me to take him to see Kyle at the firehall, so we arranged it for one of Kyle's shifts. Harrison got to sit behind the wheel of the big fire truck, turn the lights on, climb up the ladder onto the back of the truck, sit on the Seadoo they use for River/Water Rescue, try on the masks and get a good look at all of the life-saving equipment they use! I even got to wear the real firefighter coat, as seen in one of the pictures! We were treated like VIP's and got a very up close and personal tour of a day in the life of a firefighter! They were so awesome with Harrison and really took the time to teach him all about firefighting~maybe the homemade fresh baked chocolate chip cookies we took for them put them in a good mood!!! Harrison loved every minute of it and now thinks he too would like to be a real life rescue hero firefighter someday!!! (anything beats being a cop!)

Mommy's Little Angel

Since we just celebrated Mother's Day this past weekend, I thought it would be a good time to reflect on what being a mother has meant to me, in the past 4 years of my journey on this road they call motherhood. Everyone says that becoming a parent will forever change you in ways you never thought possible, and they couldn't be more right. For those of you that are parents, this will make perfect sense, and for those of you that are not parents, you will think I'm absolutely insane....and truth be told, I probably am by now~but you don't know what you are missing here on the "mother" side!!!

I remember longing to be a mother long before I wanted to be anything else. In fact, one of my nicknames in highschool (besides Nettie, Netts and Net) was "Mom". I always knew I wanted to be a Mom, and I always knew it would be special. I was thrilled to be pregnant, eventhough I was very ill for the entire 9 months. It was my first experience as a Mom, and I wasn't going to let a little throwing up (OK...a lot of throwing up!) dampen my spirits and prevent me from enjoying any part of this wonderful gift. People are full of free advice when you are pregnant, and even have more to offer once your precious bundle of joy arrives. They've been there, done that, seen it all, heard it all, tried it all....there's nothing those parents of 6 mos olds haven't done!!! People (usually strangers on the street!) tell you how to look after your baby, how to soothe them when they are crying in the mall and how to stop a toddler's temper tantrum at a restaurant....but what they don't tell you is how this whole new experience will make you feel. Maybe that's because it's different for everyone, or maybe that's because there are no words to describe how it will change your heart forever.

When Harrison was a baby, I held him for hours (like 20 out of the 24 a day!) and was happy just staring at him, awake or asleep in my arms, in his crib, the carseat, the swing, the bath, the stroller....OK you get the idea! How could this be my baby? How could he be so perfect? And not just perfect in the perfect sense, but so perfect for me? But more than that, how could this precious and perfect being not be a gift from God? I felt so lucky and so blessed to be given such an amazing gift and responsability, by none other than God himself. There is no doubt that a match like this could only have been made in Heaven.

The love you feel for your child is so strong, yet so gentle and tender at the same time. There isn't anything you wouldn't do for that little life, placed in your care and entrusted to you. As they begin to grow and develop their own personality, it's nothing short of a miracle to watch them and see yourself relfected in them. It takes your breath away and makes you cry tears of joy and pride so intense your heart can't hold it all in. Nothing else matters except their happiness. This is the hard part for the non-parents to understand. Until you have a baby, you think money, your career, your social life and your golf game are the most important things in your life, and you can't imagine sacrificing them for a baby. Then your baby is born and your priorities shift instantly. Going out is suddenly less important as it means sacrificing time away from your little treasure, not the other way around.

It's hard to let them go and to leave babyhood behind, and it's even harder to watch them grow into preschoolers from toddlers....as this means they are growing up, and you are forced to leave those precious moments behind as you realize those are times you will never get back. However, no matter what stage they seem to be heading towards, it only seems to get better as they start to talk and reveal their own inner beauty as they share little bits of themselves with you. And once that starts to happen, all of your efforts, pain, sweat and tears that you've poured into them this far with what appears to be little results, will begin to pay off tenfold. And that makes all the hard and frustrating times we as parents face every single day on the job, worth every bit of it!

My example brings us back to Mother's Day. While putting Harrison to bed last week, I asked him what he'd like to get my Mom for Mother's Day. His reply not only astounded me, but had me in tears when he said so thoughtfully, "A golden necklace". Wow....my kid's got taste! How did he come up with that? He truely amazes me! And so I took him out shopping, and he insisted we go to a jewellery store, not the jewellery department at Sears or The Bay, which is where I tried to take him! He chose (by himself!) a beautiful 18K gold necklace with a nice #1 Grandma pendant. Like I said, the kid's got taste! It was a little bit more expensive than I had budgeted for, however he was so proud of himself, how do you say no to that? Of course my Mom loved it and was also very touched by his thoughtfulness.

I can't help but feel love, blessings beyond what vocabulary alone will allow, and immense pride to call myself his mother. He has a huge, generous, kind and loving heart, a beautiful spirit and an amazing sense of thoughtfulness and consideration for others. For all of these reasons and so many more he will always be Mommy's Little Angel.

PS Included in this special motherhood entry are pictures of Harrison from babyhood to toddlerhood, as well as one of my favorites of him with me (his mother!) and with my mother. Don't all sleeping babies look like little angels?!

Out Of The Mouths Of Babes Vol 2

I decided it was time for another installment of this one! So here we are at Volume 2. Harrison comes up with some pretty hilarious stuff, and I keep meaning to write it all down, however like all good intentions, they fall by the wayside and get put off, until I find a few quiet minutes to myself to catch up on my thoughts and my entries! So let's go back 6 weeks or so....

As many of you know, I went up to Fort McMurray to visit Jean-Francois (love you honey!) for 6 days over spring break. A couple of days before I left, I was explaining to Harrison how he'd have several reputable family members looking after his every need while I was away, and that he could phone me whenever he wanted to hear my voice, and although I would miss him immensely, I would return home and he had nothing to worry about. He looked me in the eye and said, "Mommy, you will be in my heart when you are not here!" Well, that made me melt! Guess the kid's more secure than I thought he was! Then at the airport, while I was standing in line at security and saying goodbye to Harrison, all the while, hugging and kissing him like crazy, and telling him how much I'd miss him, he hugged me tight then said, "I think I will feel like I don't got a mommy". Well, that just about did me in! What kind of horrible mother would get on a plane after a comment like that?! Let me tell you what kind.....the single kind that needs a break from the everyday demands of raising active and energetic preschoolers!!! And for the record....I had a fabulous time in Fort Mac and both Harrison and I survived the brief but well needed seperation from one another!

Now...this one is funny but caught me off guard! Last week we were at the zoo with my friend and her 2 1/2 yr old daughter, enjoying the fresh air and exercise that comes with chasing little ones around a zoo full of animals, when Harrison walked up to her and proclaimed like it was gospel, nice and loud for all to hear, "Mommy's having twins!" She looked at me in shock, to find me staring back at her, then at him, in a similar state of shock! "I am NOT pregnant, and certainly not with twins!" was all I could muster after that! The first thoughts that crossed my mind were~ Why did he say that? followed by~ And who else has he told this absurd and outrageous story of fiction to?! He hadn't repeated it (as far as I know!) until last night on the phone while talking to Jean-Francois, when he told him "Mommy's having twins with you!" Well, that should hardly scare him off! It's very strange, but Harrison has been obsessed with twins since he was about 2 yrs old, and has been telling me since the same age that I'm going to be having a set! He used to tell me "You going to have 2 babies", which simply lead me to believe he wanted 2 more siblings, which was OK with me! However, now that he's got the vocabulary, he's become very specific about the "2 babies" being "twins", one boy and one girl. I hope he doesn't know something I don't....cuz I am not ready for twins!!! Neither is Jean-Francois I don't think!

By far the most adorable statement made to date, was also said last night at bedtime. After the whole twins comment, he must have gauged by my reaction that he needed to make it up to me, as he told me, "Mommy you going to be a queen!" Well, he's right on that one! I guess you take the good with the bad! However, it did occur to me today, that if I were a queen, I'd be able to afford good help with those twins!!!

PS Don't all freak out about the picture....Evan was having fun with Harrison and my camera, a rather fitting photo to follow up my last entry with, once again only further proving my point!

DISCLAIMER: NO children were mistreated, forced to smoke or drink during the making of this blog!

Tempted By Technology!

I have heard it said that technology can be a dangerous invention if it falls into the wrong hands. Well I am here with the pictures to prove this theory true! I am also here with a warning to all parents, no matter what your child's age, to never, I repeat NEVER leave any type of electronic devices laying about the house! Nothing is safe when you have children and/or teens in your home! This includes digital cameras, TV's, video cameras, remote controls, VCR's, DVD players and even computers!!!

A couple of weeks ago, we had the pleasure of hosting Easter for the whole family. Now don't get me wrong, it was wonderful to have the whole family together for once and the food was delicious, as was the chocolate! However, I think it was the free entertainment after dinner that was the most fun for everyone! While all the adults sat around and discussed worldly events and tried to solve all the world's problems with math equations (remember we have too many engineers in the family?! sorry JF~guess there's room for one more!!!) the "kids" got hold of my digital camera and started snapping away! They held their own photo shoot it seems, while we adults were oblivious to the whole thing! I guess next year I'll drink less and observe more!!!!

Here are only a few (and I do mean a few!) of the many (and I do mean many!) pictures taken with my digital camera by both Harrison 3 yrs old and my cousin Byron 16 yrs old! Notice how all the pictures carry the same silly theme....that nothing is safe?! Guess there's not much difference in maturity between toddlers and teens, which leaves me with bad news for all of us parenting toddlers right now, hoping that they'd soon outgrow their preschool pranks!!! Well I guess who am I to stop creativity from reaching it's full potential?!

The lovely pictures you are enjoying are mostly self explanatory! There's the one Harrison took of himself, along with the one of the back of Mozart the dog, the floor and someone's foot! He also took the family portrait of my Mom on the left, Byron in the middle and my Aunt Dianne on the right. The other 2 are very self explanatory....one of Byron in the mirror (what more proof do you need?!) and the typing he left on my computer screen for me!

Consider yourselves warned if you have kids, now go and lock up your electronic equipment!!!