Surviving Spirit

As many of you know, my son has challenged me since he was a newborn. He hardly ever slept, and when he did it was brief and he would wake up crying and it took a long time to get him to settle. It left me wondering who ever came up with the expression "sleeping like a baby"? They obviously never met my kid!

I'd gather with other young moms and we'd talk about our babies, and as they spoke of bonding, shopping, baking and cleaning the house, I wondered what I was doing wrong. I was too exhausted to shop and too busy to bake or clean. He just wanted to be held all the time, but would only stop crying when held in the "right" position! I marvelled at how a 2 week old baby could already "know" what he wanted and how he wanted it!

There has been a lot of learning on my part over the last 4 yrs, as he trains me to get it "right", so we can avoid record breaking meltdowns per 24 hr period. I do believe he has set some records! I knew from early on that he was "different" from all other babies I'd met...and having spent close to 10 yrs as a nanny, I knew a lot of babies! No one else seemed to understand where I was coming from, which only fuelled my loneliness and made me feel even more isolated from the world. This lead me to peruse the shelves of the local bookstore in search of the miracle cure! Someone, somewhere, at some point must have had a baby like mine, and felt the same way as I did. Near tears and desperate for an answer, the words leapt out off the cover at me and gave me hope, as I read the title of the book that would save me from this pitfall of parenthood: "Raising Your Spirited Child". Right then and there, in the middle of the Parenting Section of Chapters, my life changed forever. I knew I had stumbled on something devine!


The book describes "Spirited Children" as still within normal (I use the word 'normal' loosely here) range of development, only they are MORE of everything. Where the normal child in a room will laugh, cry and play and blend in with their peers, the spirited child's laugh is the loudest, their cry is an intense scream or shriek that is not easily consoled and they are the child bouncing off the walls as they hit the ceiling. All of the latter describes my child perfectly! The book also challenges you to redefine the labels you've attached to your child with more positive ones. I now find myself telling people he's goal oriented, focused, determined, driven to succeed, spirited, full of zest for life, rather than stubborn, strong willed, difficult, bad or wild. This doesn't mean I have found a miracle cure, nor does it mean we no longer have our challenges! Much to the contrary, every time I think I've figured him out, he throws a curve ball at me, to keep me on my toes and to keep me humble!


Another important point it stresses is 'progress, not perfection'! This is so true when raising children with spirit, as you don't even have good days and bad days, for your day is seperated into smaller more manageable 'moments'. In any given day, we have good moments, which are amazing, then suddenly, you are forced to turn right instead of left on the way home from the store due to an accident ahead, and that amazing moment is gone, and you're listening to him scream (and I mean SCREAM!) from the back of the car that this is NOT the RIGHT way home! It's the small details in life that the "unspirited folk" pay no attention to, that will drive the "spirited souls" crazy! The tags in their shirts, the seams in their socks, needing all the hotwheel cars facing the same direction in the same order everyday, everytime you play, using the same spoon with the same pot to cook certain foods, having to serve hot dogs if that is what was promised, to avoid a riot from breaking out if someone suggests going to a restaurant for dinner. What they lack in flexibility, you are forced to make up for in patience! (all of the above examples have happened to me, so I am talking from experience!)


And so I wonder, who did I aggravate in a former life to be dealt this fate now?! It is an exhausting roller coaster ride that takes you to the top, then throws you over the edge, crashing you back down to the ground. All you can do is hold on and enjoy the wild ride, every twist and turn it dishes up, and take in those high moments when you are blessed with them, and cling to them when you are crashing to the ground. That these unfavorable traits in toddlers, once tamed will be excellent qualities toward being a successful adult. And tell yourself that what you are striving for is 'progress, not perfection'.

PS That last picture is Harrison standing on the steering wheel of my bus! (NOT while it is moving, while it's parked!) He stands on it and gets it to turn from side to side with his feet, like a ride! I'm not crazy about it, but it keeps him busy while I make entries in my log book!