Preschooler Blues

I just need to vent! (as I type this my kid is screaming bloody murder from his bedroom, refusing to go to bed!) No big news to report or fun tales to tell, I just need to get it out of my system in writing! My son is driving me crazy! Why is it that preschoolers need to argue with everything you say? And how has he become this expert negotiator? It sneaks up on you over time I guess. It starts slowly and before you know it you've fallen into the trap of defending your position and negotiating NO to a 4 yr old! How does this happen? I used to be so smart (I think), rock solid in my beliefs and firm in my parenting. Now, I don't know if I'm Dumb or Dumber, I don't remember what my beliefs are (do I even have any?) and the once firm lines of parenthood have become blurred!

I can usually tell by 6:30am what kind of day it will be, by the way he wakes up, and how much screaming of the words "NO bus!" I have to listen to as I drag him out the door! And that is how it starts...followed by "no carseat" (both in the car & on the bus!) "don't fuel the bus today", when we get home it's "I don't want to get dressed" and "no pee", then the BIG struggle at our house these days "don't turn the TV off", most of the day all I hear is "don't do that, don't touch that, don't move that, that's mine, I want that, I need that", followed by "no bus" again in the afternoons with a lot more kicking and screaming for dramatic effect, "no sit down and no carseat" again and lots more screaming! The only way I can get through the evenings is to give in and let him watch a video while I cook supper, but am once again faced with screaming and a fight when he has to turn it off to come to the table to eat. He is a good eater, however he refuses to ask to be excused from the table and thinks it a fun game to jump down and take off with a dirty face and hands, and all the better if he can wipe them on the wall to further aggravate me! Although he loves his bath, I am still met with a struggle and he starts "no bath, no bath". Once in, the first thing he says is "don't wash my hair tonight". He climbs out before he's been soaped up and soaks the floor, then runs naked out to the living room to drip dry on the carpet (this drives me insane). As soon as he sees me eyeing him up with the towel, he takes off running and shouts, "no pyjamas". After I catch him and get him ready for bed, he gets to choose 3 books to read, but immediately starts to negotiate for more, then ends up in a snit because I won't give in, to which he crosses his arms, pouts and says, "too late! NO books!" I tell him "fine, then get into bed" and those are just fightin' words around here! He goes crazy and starts screaming "no bed, I don't like my bed, yours bed, yours bed, please I'll be good Mommy, yours bed!" I make him get into his own bed and after getting out of bed 15 times, and him screaming until I am in tears (no exageration), he will eventually scream himself to sleep, but this can take up to an hour. Bedtime is definately the most stressful time of day for me.

By now I've had all the arguing I can take and just want the day to end. I'm exhausted and ready to blow a gasket myself, and so I don't handle it with the patience this time of day requires. I'm beat from working (both out of and in the home) dealing with him and doing this alone, with no one to share the burden with. Then I feel guilty as these are adult problems, that he did not ask for, and therefore should not affect the way I deal with him. However, I am only human and not perfect. At times like these, I long for someone to talk to, to cry on their shoulder, to have someone listen and sympathize, without judging me or my parenting, or my child's rotten behaviour!!! I also know that is not realistic either!

As well as the constant arguing, he refuses to listen to anything anyone tells him! If I say "please don't do that", he goes out of his way to make sure he does it, right in front of me! (this too drives me insane) It's not just me however! My sister took him for a day and had her eyes opened! She brought him home and she looked like she'd been to battle (only I can appreciate that she had!) and in no uncertain terms told me how miserable my kid is, how everyone shook their heads at him, and glared at her as he misbehaved all day, then told me how exhausted she was! I sympathized with her on the outside, but rejoiced on the inside thinking, "it's not just ME!" His preschool teacher has described him as "out of control in the classroom", he gets at least one time out per week (remember he's only there 3 afternoons/wk) and has been asked to leave the classroom for throwing a giant screaming fit! I have a feeling I'll be on a first name basis with the principal next year in Kindergarten! It is no wonder I find so many gray hairs on my head these days!

I am left wondering if all preschoolers are this defiant, difficult and argumentative, or is it just mine? What am I doing wrong? Why do we fight so much and butt heads all day, when no one else's kids seem to be like this? Was I like this? Oh probably!!! As my mother tells me, "the apple doesn't fall far from the tree!" My only hope now is that he will have at least one child just like him when he grows up, and I'll get the last laugh!!! (if I'm still laughing!)